All is not lost, Penny P.

This blog post is an awakening from the pen of my dear friend Epona, who is bravely trying to build her happiness anew, away from the country where her roots are. I am publishing this post uncategorized, as I cannot fit it into any category. 

This week something a little enlightening occurred to me. I came across the quote of author Celine: “When you stay too long in the same place, things and people go to pot on you, they rot and start stinking for your special benefit.” The quote reminded me of a little stroll to a park, far far away in time and space, holding  the solid, old hand of my father. We were standing by the man-made lake and watching the swans sway effortlessly in the mossy green water. It was probably in May and pollens were flying around like little fairies, adding a little magic to the memory. I remember asking my father why they had set a fountain in the middle of the lake, as it was crashing the scenery and adding a little chaos. My father turned to me and said that water always has to evolute, to transition, to move to stay fresh.

For some time, I have been feeling a little build up in myself. This little build up of dirt and dust, has been littering my mind and leaving me a bit dull in the head. For cleanse, I had little idea what to do. I took long silent showers, wandered around in this strangely sterile city I have recently moved to, tried to locate myself and refresh my mind. Nothing seemed to work and I have felt more rotting in my insides than ever. It was a vicious circle, rotating faster each time I struggled to step out. I wanted to know what really mattered and what I should do with myself. I always hoped I had aspects beyond my own understanding. It is actually a still ongoing war.

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From under a rock a sweet cyclamen blooms suddenly* | Image by Uzi Yachin via Flickr

Now, trying to take a step back and looking through all from a distance, I have a little glimpse of what I can do. It is to keep transitioning, exchanging and interacting. Letting things get into me and affix to me. Building cocoons again and again. Connecting the dots and building roads from them. The point is to be an avalanche that runs down the hill, making itself a bigger body by adding the little pieces that touch by. Letting pieces of experience and wisdom rebuild me again and again in time, making me more of a whole and keeping on tumbling. Embracing the experience of cosmic loneliness life is offering to all of us. Staying awake but also getting some sleep. Acceptance of the mystery of movement and ever-changing. Today, as I tumble down the hill as the little snowball I am, I will keep on growing into this avalanche and cannot wait to grow more.

All is not lost Penny P., you have find yourself a special flow.


*The caption is quoted from a 1950s song that follows as:

   From under a rock, a very sweet cyclamen blooms suddenly
   And the shining sun kisses and decorates her with a pink crown
  ‘Cyclamen, cyclamen’ the bird twitters, ‘Peek at me for a moment’
   [But] the glorious cyclamen hides within the rock
   staying hidden from every living being.'

cited from Neiman, R., Leichman, A. K., Staff, I., & Press, V. S. (2014, January 10). Blooming Cyclamen Brave the Cold. Retrieved April 17, 2017, from israel21c.org/blooming-cyclamen-brave-the-cold/

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